Asked my girlfriend what her relationship goals were.
She said she wants us to be like those cute elderly couples who still hold hands after 50 years.
I said that's adorable.
She said yeah, especially because they're stuck together - she already superglued our hands while I was sleeping.
I thought she was joking until I tried to go to the bathroom.
We spent 3 weeks like this. Showering together. Working together. She learned to code with her left hand. I learned to make sandwiches with my feet.
Her boss promoted both of us because "this level of commitment to a bit deserves recognition."
The hospital had to separate us because my palm started growing tiny palm trees.
Now we're known as the "sticky bandits" at work.
She still randomly shows up with superglue. I started wearing oven mitts to bed. The cat sleeps with one eye open.
True love isn't about finding someone who completes you.
It's about finding someone who's willing to go to the ER with you at 3 AM because you're both stuck to a toaster.
(We're banned from Home Depot's adhesive section)
(And Walmart's)
(And that one craft store where the lady called an exorcist)
Some say it was toxic.
I say it was the strongest relationship I've ever been in.
Literally.
We tested it.
The glue had a tensile strength of 3000 PSI.
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