She thought she knew him. They dated for four years. He was kind, caring, and funny. But six months after their wedding, she found out he had a debt of over two million naira that he never told her about.

Today, they are divorced.

This story is not new. In fact, research shows that about 40 to 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce. That means almost half of all couples who stand at the altar and say "I do" will later say "I don't want this anymore."

But here is something that will surprise you: couples who have deep, honest talks before marriage have 31 percent lower chance of divorce. Some studies even show that couples who go for premarital counseling have up to 50 percent less risk of breaking up.

The difference between marriages that last and marriages that crash is not luck. It is not even love alone. It is the questions they asked before saying "I do."

This guide will show you every single question you need to ask your partner before marriage. These are not just random questions. They come from relationship experts, therapists, psychological research, and real people who have been through marriage, some who made it work and some who wished they had known better.

Why You Must Have These Talks Before You Marry

Many people think love is enough. "As long as we love each other, we will figure everything out." This thinking has sent millions of people to divorce courts.

Studies from the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy show that 70 percent of couples who attend premarital counseling report lasting benefits. They fight less. They understand each other better. They know how to solve problems together.

What causes divorce? Let us look at the numbers:

• Money problems cause 20 to 30 percent of divorces
• Cheating causes 15 to 20 percent of divorces
• Different views on children cause 10 to 15 percent of divorces
• In-law problems and family interference cause about 10 to 12 percent of divorces

Every single one of these problems can be found out before marriage if you ask the right questions.

What Real People Are Saying

On Reddit, one person wrote: "We talked about kids and money, but not chores or therapy. Now it is resentment city."

Another person on Quora said: "I wish I had asked about debt. It bankrupted us emotionally."

On Nairaland, a popular Nigerian forum, people stress the importance of asking about tribe, in-laws, and extended family obligations before marriage.

A woman married for 25 years shared on X (formerly Twitter): "Love is not enough. Talk about bills, kids, and faith first."

These are not just opinions. About 70 percent of people on relationship forums say they regret not having deeper conversations before marriage.

Money Questions: The Silent Marriage Killer

Money fights destroy more marriages than almost anything else. In Nigeria especially, where many couples deal with economic pressure, family financial obligations, and different ideas about saving and spending, money becomes the number one source of fights.

Research shows that 13 percent of divorces are directly tied to financial secrets. One partner hid debt, spending habits, or financial problems from the other.

Ask these questions:

1. What is your current financial situation? This includes savings, debts, loans, and any money you owe people. Full disclosure. No hiding.

2. How do you think we should handle money as a couple? Should we have joint accounts, separate accounts, or both? Who pays what bills?

3. What happens if one of us earns more than the other? Will the person earning more have more say in how money is spent? This question has ended many marriages.

4. How much should we save every month? Some experts suggest the 50/30/20 rule: 50 percent for needs, 30 percent for wants, 20 percent for savings.

5. What are our financial goals? Buying a house? Starting a business? Traveling? You need to agree on where your money should go.

6. How do we feel about supporting extended family? In Nigeria, this is very important. Will we send money to parents? Siblings? How much? How often?

Important for Nigerians: Different ethnic groups have different expectations about money and family support. An Igbo family might have different expectations from a Yoruba family. Discuss this openly. Do not assume your partner knows or agrees with your family's expectations.

Children and Parenting: The Questions Most Couples Skip

"We will figure it out when the time comes." This sentence has destroyed marriages. About 10 to 15 percent of divorces happen because couples could not agree on things related to children.

One Reddit user shared: "She said she wanted two kids. I said I wanted none. We went to therapy. It saved us, but only because we caught it early."

Ask these questions:

1. Do we want children? This seems simple, but many couples never clearly answer this. Some people say "yes" because they think that is what they should say.

2. How many children do we want? Two? Four? Ten? Be specific.

3. What if we cannot have children naturally? Are we open to adoption? IVF? Surrogacy? This is a hard conversation, but you need to have it.

4. How do we want to raise our children? Strict or relaxed? How will we discipline them? Beating? Time-outs? Talking? Different parenting styles cause daily fights in marriages.

5. Who will be the primary caregiver if we have kids? Will one person stop working? Will we hire help? Will grandparents help?

6. What role will our parents play in raising our children? In Nigeria, grandparents often have strong opinions about how children should be raised. Discuss boundaries early.

Pro Tip: Visit friends or family who have children together. Watch how your partner interacts with kids. This will tell you a lot about their parenting style. You can also read books like "The Whole-Brain Child" together to start conversations about parenting.

Intimacy and Physical Connection: The Conversation Nobody Wants to Have

Let us be honest. In Nigeria, talking about sex before marriage is taboo for many people. But research shows that sexual incompatibility contributes to about 15 percent of divorces.

You do not have to do anything physical before marriage to have this conversation. But you must talk about expectations.

Ask these questions:

1. What are your expectations about physical intimacy in marriage? How often? What makes you feel loved and desired?

2. Are there any past experiences that might affect our intimate life? Trauma, health issues, or past relationships can affect how people feel about intimacy. Share gently.

3. What are your boundaries? What are you comfortable with? What are you not comfortable with?

4. Have you been tested for sexually transmitted infections? This is not about trust. It is about health. Consider getting tested together.

5. What happens if our needs change over time? After having children, during stressful times, or as we get older, intimacy needs can change. How will we handle this?

Cultural Note: Views about intimacy before marriage vary across cultures and religions. In many Muslim and Christian communities in Nigeria, physical intimacy before marriage is not acceptable. This is fine. You can still discuss expectations and boundaries through conversation.

Family and In-Laws: Where Many Nigerian Marriages Struggle

If you are Nigerian, you already know this: marriage is not just between two people. It is between two families. In-law problems cause about 10 to 12 percent of marriage conflicts, but in Nigeria, this number might be even higher.

On Nairaland, one person wrote: "Ask about tribe and in-laws first. It prevents shocks."

Ask these questions:

1. What role will our parents play in our marriage? Will they give advice? Make decisions? Live with us?

2. How will we handle disagreements with in-laws? Will we present a united front? Who talks to whose parents?

3. Where will we spend holidays? Christmas at your parents or mine? This small question has caused big fights.

4. What are the expectations from your family that I should know about? Some families expect the wife to kneel when greeting elders. Some expect the husband to provide for siblings. Know these things before you marry.

5. Tell me about your childhood and family patterns. How did your parents treat each other? Were there any painful experiences? Unhealed wounds from childhood often repeat in marriages.

6. How do you feel about inter-tribal or inter-religious marriages? If you are from different backgrounds, discuss how you will navigate cultural differences. Will you celebrate both cultures equally?

Important: On Reddit, one user shared: "His mom lived with us. It became a divorce trigger." Set clear boundaries about family involvement before marriage.

How to Fight Without Breaking Your Marriage

Poor communication predicts 65 percent of divorces. According to Dr. John Gottman, a world-famous relationship researcher, there are four behaviors that kill marriages: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling (refusing to talk).

Couples who show contempt (looking down on each other, insulting, rolling eyes) have a 90 percent chance of divorce.

Ask these questions:

1. How do you handle anger? Do you shout? Go silent? Need time alone? Walk away? Understanding this will help you fight better.

2. What is your fighting style? Some people want to solve problems immediately. Others need time to cool down first. Neither is wrong, but you must know each other's style.

3. What are your deal-breakers? What would make you leave the marriage? Cheating? Physical abuse? Addiction? Be clear about this from the start.

4. Are you open to going for counseling if we have problems? Research shows that 75 percent of couples benefit from therapy. But some people think therapy means the marriage has failed. Discuss this now.

5. How do we apologize and forgive? Some people need words. Some need actions. Some need time. Know what your partner needs.

Pro Tip: Practice using "I" statements instead of "you" statements. Instead of "You never listen to me," say "I feel unheard when we do not finish our conversations." This one change can transform how you fight.

Values, Faith, and the Life You Want to Build

Core value differences drive about 20 percent of divorces. This includes religion, politics, lifestyle choices, and what you both see as important in life.

Ask these questions:

1. What role does faith or religion play in your life? Will we attend church or mosque together? How will we raise our children spiritually? About 10 percent of divorces are linked to religious differences.

2. What are your career goals? Will you want to relocate for a job? Change careers? Go back to school? Moving for work causes about 8 percent of marriage problems.

3. Where do you see us living? City or village? Rent or own? Nigeria or abroad? One Quora user shared: "One wanted city, the other wanted rural. We never agreed."

4. What does your dream life look like in 5, 10, 20 years? Do your visions match? Can you build towards the same future?

5. Is there anything about your health I should know? Physical health, mental health, genetic conditions. Undisclosed health issues strain about 15 percent of marriages.

6. What are your views on gender roles in marriage? Who cooks? Who cleans? Who works? Traditional roles or shared responsibilities? On Reddit, one person said: "Wish I had asked about chores. Gender roles snuck in."

Red Flags: When to Think Twice

Sometimes, the answers to these questions will reveal problems. Here are warning signs that should make you pause:

• History of cheating: Research shows that 50 percent of people who cheat do it again. Ask directly.

• Refusal to discuss important topics: If your partner gets angry or avoids these conversations, that is a red flag.

• Contempt in how they speak to you: Insults, eye-rolling, talking down to you.

• Unwillingness to consider therapy: Marriage is work. If someone refuses help before marriage, they will refuse it after.

• Any form of abuse: Physical, emotional, or verbal. This will not get better with marriage.

• Addiction problems: Alcohol, drugs, gambling. These need professional help, not a wedding.

If you see these signs, do not ignore them. Talk to a trusted counselor or mentor before moving forward.

Books and Resources That Can Help

If you want to go deeper, here are some recommended resources:

• "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman - This book is based on decades of research and gives practical advice for building strong marriages.

• "101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged" by H. Norman Wright - Great for couples who want a structured guide, especially from a Christian perspective.

• Apps like Lasting and Paired: These apps have guided conversations and exercises for couples preparing for marriage.

• The PREP (Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program): Research shows this program can cut divorce risk by up to 50 percent.

How to Actually Have These Conversations

Knowing the questions is one thing. Actually asking them is another. Here are some tips:

• Choose the right time and place: Not when you are tired, hungry, or in public. Pick a calm, private moment.

• Do not make it an interrogation: Spread the questions across many conversations. Go on walks. Have coffee. Make it natural.

• Share your own answers first: This makes your partner feel safe to open up.

• Use "I" statements: Say "I feel secure when..." instead of "You always..."

• Listen more than you talk: The goal is to understand, not to win.

• Consider premarital counseling: About 31 percent of couples who go for premarital counseling report lower divorce rates. A professional can guide these conversations.

Your Marriage Starts Before the Wedding

These questions are not a checklist to complete and forget. They are the beginning of a lifelong conversation.

As Dr. Carol Bruess, a marriage communication expert, says: "Marriage is a lifelong conversation. It requires work."

Couples who revisit these questions every year report 90 percent higher satisfaction in their marriages. Yes, 90 percent.

You are not just trying to avoid divorce. You are trying to build a marriage full of joy, understanding, and genuine partnership.

If having these conversations feels hard, that is normal. In fact, celebrate it. Difficult conversations now mean fewer painful surprises later.

Take your time. There is no rush. Six months of serious talking before marriage is better than six years of confusion after.

And if you need help, seek a counselor. Not because something is wrong, but because you want to get it right.

Love, prepared and intentional, is the kind of love that lasts.