I Outsourced My Breakup To A Fiverr Freelancer And Now They're Getting Married Love Stories

Needed to break up with my girlfriend but hate confrontation. Found a guy on Fiverr offering 'Premium Breakup Services - 100% satisfaction or your heartbreak back'

Basic package: $5

• Text breakup
• Generic excuse
• One (1) sad emoji

Premium package: $15

• Voice message breakup
• Customized story
• Spotify breakup playlist
• Three (3) sad emojis

Diamond package: $50

• In-person breakup
• Oscar-worthy performance
• Fake tears
• Professional photographer to capture the moment
• Unlimited emojis

Went with the Diamond package because go hard or go home, right?

Hired Femi from Nigeria. His reviews: "5/5 - Best breakup ever, would get dumped again"

He flew in for the job. Practiced his lines in pidgin English: "Is not you, is me. Actually is economics recession. Also Mercury retrograde."

The breakup meeting was at Starbucks. (Because all great relationship tragedies happen over overpriced coffee)

Femi walks in. Takes one look at my girlfriend. Forgets all his lines. Starts speaking in Yoruba poetry instead.

Plot twist: She's a linguistics professor. Understands every word. They fall in love over my caramel macchiato.

Now they're engaged. I'm invited to the wedding. As their "Corporate Cupid." They're naming their first child after my Fiverr username.

Asked for a refund. Femi offered store credit for future breakups. His service now includes "Find Your Soulmate Through Failed Client Relationships."

He's got 5 stars on Fiverr. A love story in his portfolio. And my ex.

I paid $50 to become a matchmaker. (Shipping and handling fees were not included) (Neither was my dignity)

Started my own Fiverr gig: "I'll help you outsource your breakup but no guarantee your ex won't marry the freelancer"

Business is booming. Turns out lots of people want their ex to accidentally find true love with a stranger from the internet.

Femi and my ex are now offering couples therapy. Specializing in "Relationships That Started From Other People's Breakups"

The moral? Sometimes love finds you. Sometimes you pay $50 to help love find someone else. (International transaction fees may apply)

(Update: They're honeymooning in the Bahamas) (Double update: I'm still being charged monthly for the Premium Breakup Spotify playlist) (Final update: Their wedding hashtag is #ThanksForTheFiverrStars)"