Yesterday I was sitting in the park contemplating my career choices when a bird landed nearby.
I remembered the saying "a bird in hand is worth two in the bush" so I lunged forward and grabbed it.
The bird looked at me and said, "Your current employer is underpaying you by 75%."
I was shocked. Not because the bird could talk, but because it knew my salary.
"I'm a recruiter for BirdCorp," it explained. "We've been watching your GitHub commits."
It offered me 4x my current salary, full remote work, and a signing bonus of premium birdseed.
I was skeptical until it showed me its LinkedIn profile on a tiny bird-sized phone. 500+ connections. Premium member.
When I got home, I found two more birds waiting in my bedroom.
"We'll double BirdCorp's offer," they chirped in unison. "We're VC-backed. Series C funding. Unlimited millet."
That night, I couldn't sleep. Birds kept tapping on my window with job offers.
I called my boss to resign. Before I could speak, he said, "Whatever the birds offered, I'll match it."
Turns out he's actually three pigeons in a trenchcoat.
The entire tech industry is run by birds pretending to be humans.
I took BirdCorp's offer. My first assignment? Build a platform that disrupts the worm market.
Never underestimate what's in the bush. But always check if your employer has feathers.
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